


Hold

by nirroca



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, friends - Freeform, self discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-12 22:36:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10500852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirroca/pseuds/nirroca
Summary: Cora was sure of everything until she wasn't.All she really wanted was somewhere she belonged.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This needs editing but so does my uni work.
> 
> I haven't finished the game yet, but I refuse to accept yet another queer coded character being straight. 
> 
> SO this happened. 
> 
> Title is from the song "Hold" by Vera Blue and I thoroughly suggest checking it out if you want a hint of the mindset I'm going for eventually. Hopefully.

Belonging was a thing that Cora often found herself thinking about. Mostly because she’s not entirely sure that she's ever felt like she actually belongs anywhere. Growing up on starships with nothing she was always that knobbly kneed human girl, who was too scrawny to be noticed but weird enough for people to pay attention to. Things only got worse for her after her biotic abilities manifested, and then she was just the weird girl that was feared as equally as she was ridiculed.

 

She was an only child to her two parents, something she always resented them for in her childish inexperience, but in her adult years she came to realise that if she had biotic abilities, there was a strong chance that any other children they had could be the same, and life was hard enough with the stigma already attached to her.

 

Her teenage years were spent fighting and rebelling in any way she could. She didn’t ask to be a biotic. She didn’t _want_ this strange unpredictable power that made her a human weapon. She just wanted what she saw all the other people her age had. She wanted _friends_. She wanted first kisses in the hangar bay with that new boy from one of the colonies they recently stopped on. She felt like an outsider even though she was like everyone else, and the way everyone treated her like she was a _freak_ that deserved how she was treated made her resent the life that she was forced into.

 

She was fifteen when she first heard about Vanguards. A specialist class of biotic warriors that were part of the Alliance military and she knew then that she just had to make it through until her eighteenth birthday to enlist, and then she might be able to build a life where she might finally be accepted despite her differences and find people that she would fit in with. She was so happy when she was accepted into the Alliance two weeks after her eighteenth birthday. 

 

But like most things in her life that didn’t work out. She did make one friend, a scientist - _biologist_ Cora mentally corrects herself, fondly remembering her time spent with the woman all those years ago _-_ with an appreciation for alien life and vegetation by the name of Ellana Green (Cora was always amused by this) who was the first person that Cora had ever met that didn’t treat her differently because of her abilities - Ellana’s brother had the same problems growing up and hated the idea of Cora having gone through so much alone and feeling like an outsider because of a quirk of biology she really couldn’t control, and spent a lot of time mothering Cora any time that they were together - and Cora will forever be thankful for the time that she spent with her, for making her feel like a _person_.

 

But the Alliance brass were unsettled by the scope of her power, and didn’t know if they had the skills to help her harness and control her abilities, it was ‘recommended’ that she spend time with Asari commandos to learn all that she could from them.  Talein's Daughters were good teachers, and the power of the commandos was only outshone by the control with which they wielded their abilities, and if in her life Cora managed to learn a fraction of the control that the Asari she was teamed with had in their centuries of life she would consider it a proud accomplishment.

 

The Asari were beautiful there was no denying it, and they knew it too, and worked it to their advantage. The first time she was propositioned by one of them she declined immediately, she wasn’t interested in women. She never had reason to be. Her only sexual encounters were with men she picked up in bars, not seeing the point in forging attachments, most of them were only interested in the same thing as she was - physical release, though most times she ended having to finish on her own - and her biotic abilities were something she had learned over the years to keep well hidden because even in the military there was still a lot of stigma attached to them. So in all she resolved to never get attached to anyone, because it would more than likely end in disappointment. Over her time with Talein’s Daughters she was approached by several more Asari hoping to entice her to share their bed, and on a few occasions she was genuinely curious, she had heard about Asari melding and despite reading accounts of the experience, part of her wondered what it would be like to experience such a thing first hand. After complaining about a string of disappointing sexual encounters (one of which ended with a guy falling asleep on top of her) the offer to spend the night with one of her squad mates she knew had reputation of being an attentive and thorough partner was one she almost took, but in the end declined at the last minute not really sure if she could go through with such a thing.

 

Her time with the Asari Commandos taught her a great deal, not only about herself and her abilities, but in faith, through the teachings of her huntress manuals, the words of which helped give her comfort and aiding in coming to accept the scope of her powers, and some of the formidable warriors she met on her travels. But even though her skills were stronger than ever, and despite all of the hard work and sacrifices she made to become the best she possibly could, she still felt like an outsider. She was never a _strong biotic,_ she was always a strong biotic for a _human_.

 

Hearing of the achievements of Commander Shepard, even in Asari space Cora feels pride in humans finally being able to prove themselves as capable allies to all races in Citadel Space, and, when she hears that one of her squadmates was a highly skilled _L2_ adept she can’t help but feel that there is hope for biotics being more accepted in the future.

 

Her time spent with Talein’s Daughters comes to an end after four years. There is a new ‘Andromeda Initiative’ that she’s been hearing people talk about, and it sounds like a crazy venture, but one she is interested in nonetheless. It comes as a surprise when Alec Ryder _himself_ tracks her down, to not just join, but be his second in command, saying that her skills were exactly what they needed and for once Cora feels what its like be wanted for her abilities and not just included as a convenient, weaponised afterthought and she can’t help but think that it's a _nice_ feeling.


	2. Chapter 2

Alec was everything she expected an N7 to be. He solved problems before she even saw them and it always felt that he was always ten steps ahead of her when it came to planning. As she was to be his second, Cora looked forward to learning from and being mentored by him. He never saw her as anything other than _Cora Harper_ and it meant more to her than she ever knew it could. Yes, her biotics were an important part of her, but they weren’t the only part. Alec treated her biotics for what they were, a tool that she used when needed like any other soldier with a weapon that could be used to the advantage of the Pathfinder team as a whole, and most importantly to Cora they were never treated as a liability.

Alec turned out to be an excellent mentor, and in a way, the confident father figure she never had. Her own father loved her, she knew that, but after her biotics had first manifested she always felt like something about their relationship had changed, that he didn’t quite know how to support her and give her what she needed as she slowly learned to control her biotics with only the limited info that was available on the extranet and a lot of trial and error. She still hadn’t heard anything about what had happened to her parents, or why they’d disappeared and with her time spent in the Milky Way growing shorter on a daily basis, she found herself slowly coming to terms with the fact that she had no family of her own anymore. Spending so much time with Alec made her miss her father, and more than anything she wanted to have the chance to see both him and her mother before leaving for Andromeda, if only to let them know that she doesn’t resent them for not being able to give her what she needed and to say good-bye properly. But with their disappearance she doesn’t have that chance, and as much as she would like that closure, sometimes things just don’t work out that way. One day she hopes that the knowledge that she never got to say goodbye to them properly aches less, but for now she knows that that is something that she will have to carry.

She knew Alec had twins. He didn’t speak about them much, but when he did Cora couldn’t help but feel that he had regrets about his relationship with them and that they had only gotten worse since the passing of their mother. But as they got to know each other better Cora found that he spoke about them more often. Scott was a member of the Alliance, a capable soldier, skilled with a rifle and electronics, but was a people person and would probably make an excellent negotiator if he wanted.

Cora got the impression that Sara, the eldest of the twins was a soft spot for Alec. “So much like her mother” was all he’d said the first time that she asked about them and she knew it was a sensitive topic for him after hearing about his wife's passing. But the more time they spent together the more she found that he talked about her, and his words were very much that of a proud father. She was a member of an Alliance Peacekeeping force that protected scientists in their search for Prothean artefacts.

“Too curious for her own good. Though I haven’t seen many people that can make a sniper rifle _dance_ the way she does. Always been a natural. Probably could’ve beat Shepard to N7 status if she really wanted to” he tells her one afternoon when they’re discussing chain of command details. “Both of them have decided to join the Initiative and should be here within the week. They’ll be joining the Pathfinder team, so you’ll be working closely with them over the next month before we’re scheduled to depart. I’m sure you’ll find they’ll fit right in with the team we already have”

  


The pair arrived late in the evening two days later and Cora, who has just finished a workout in the hopes of tiring herself out enough to sleep for more than a few hours is in the mess getting something to eat when Alec comes in with two people that look familiar but she can’t quite place why.

“Cora, you’re still up, saves me from doing introductions in the morning. This is Scott and Sara, they both just got in from Arcturus

Scott is tall, like his father, and has the air of someone attractive that knows it as well as an approachability about him that in any other situation Cora might have found appealing and he grins widely as he extends his hand in greeting.

“So you’re Cora huh? Heard quite a bit about you”

“All good I hope?” Cora replies, returning the handshake firmly

“Good as any you get from the old man really” Scott smirks, nudging his father next to him with an elbow.

Sara doesn't speak much apparently because all Cora gets is a “Hey” and an awkward wave of greeting from her. Though with the amount that Scott seems to be talking she can’t really blame her for being quiet, he talks enough for the both of them. She’s small, though it's obvious she's in excellent physical shape judging by the healthy definition of her arms and she is a lot shorter than Cora imagined, but Alec did say she was a lot like her mother. Where Scott was content to be the centre of attention Cora got the sense that Sara was happier to observe from the edges and that doesn’t surprise her in the slightest considering the woman's proficiency with a sniper rifle. Cora found that there was a calmness to her that she instantly liked, and got the feeling that the pair of them would work quite well together on the battlefield, with Sara being able to cover her from a distance whilst she went in headfirst with her biotics and a shotgun. The siblings seem to be well tuned to each other, and Cora is fairly certain that they’ll fit in well with the rest of the team that they’ve already assembled.

“It's getting late” Alec interrupts Scott’s tale of - Cora’s not exactly sure what she tuned him out whilst thinking of potential drills Sara and her could run together to figure out how they could begin to learn to work in tandem. “Would you mind showing Sara to a bunk Cora?”

  
  


The pair are quiet as they make their way through one of the long hallways that lead to the living area.

“It's late and I have a bunk I don’t use in my officer's room, do you want to use that and find a space tomorrow?” Cora asks, breaking the silence as she looks at the smaller woman keeping pace beside her. Cora can’t help but take note of her appearance now that it's just the two of them. Small and unassuming looking, she’s pretty yes, but it's not her face that grabs her attention this close-up, it's her eyes. They’re expressive, and Cora gets the impression that those green orbs see more than they ever let on. Her silver hair, whilst a strange choice for someone so young works for her, bringing out the colour of her eyes and adds a contrast to the freckles she can see dusted across her features now that she’s closer.

“That’d be nice, thank-you. I’ve never really liked crowded spaces, and I like them even less after spending so much time knee deep in dusty ruins” Sara replies, her lips twisting into a small smile, which pulls at a faded scar running through the top one that looks like it was from a deep wound.

It doesn’t take long for Sara to settle, she only has a duffle bag after all, and after showing her where the amenities are and freshening up, the pair retire for the night.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops? RIP assignments I guess :p 
> 
> Comments give me warm fuzzies :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope its ok?

Sara is full of surprises. Cora thought her own sense of humour was terrible, but Sara? Hers is somehow  _ worse _ and Cora often finds herself laughing when she hears her terrible plays on words and godawful jokes whenever she hears them, that is when the woman actually speaks.

 

Cora is taking some down time on the shooting range to clear her head after a day full of meetings and planning and is onto her fourth heat-sink when she feels someone tap on her shoulder.

“Hey” Sara greets her waving awkwardly, her small frame dwarfed by a baggy Initiative hoody Cora suspects isn’t actually hers.

“Ryder? Can I help you with something?”

“Please Call me Sara ‘Ryder’ is my Dad,” Sara says with a look Cora doesn’t quite understand “I saw you in here on my way to the weights room and was wondering if you wanted to join me?” 

That wasn’t what she was expecting, but strength training is just as effective at clearing her head as shooting things is, and being around people Cora isn’t comfortable using her biotics, despite how tense having to keep them tightly under control makes her. 

“Sure, just let me pack up here” Cora replies with a shrug and watches as Sara takes the assault rifle from her hands and deftly strips it before placing it into a storage safe on the wall.

“You’re pretty good at that,” Cora notes, wondering how anyone can make something as mediocre as cleaning a weapon look fluid and graceful.

“I had a lot of time to practice out in the field. Sand and dirt somehow manage to get in everything I swear” Sara replies with a shrug, as the pair make their way down the weights room down the corridor.

“Your father mentioned that you were a pretty good sniper?” Cora asks casually, as she holds the door open for Sara as they enter the near deserted gym area.

“Yeah. I kinda just really like the quiet you know? The whole shooting people thing aside it's kinda very zen. Probably one of the only times I can really completely focus on anything”

Cora’s earlier presumption was true. Sara is in excellent physical shape, and it's obvious that her time spent out in the field has served her well, and Cora is surprised to find that despite her small stature her strength is almost the same as hers and before long the pair of them are sore and in good need of a shower and something to eat.

Over the next few weeks Cora finds that Sara asks her at least twice a week to train with her, and as quiet and distant the older Ryder twin seems to be towards everyone else that isn’t her brother Scott that she is actually quite pleasant company, and has a competitive streak that makes working out with her  _ fun _ and that is something that Cora has seriously been lacking as of late.

 

It's the last month that they have in the Milky Way before they head off to Andromeda and knowing that it's probably futile, Cora reaches out to some of her contacts in a last ditch attempt to find any information on her parents - knowing that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself is she didn’t try one last time to find any news on whatever happened to them all those years ago - but, despite learning that disappearances are becoming more common outside of Alliance space, there is still absolutely nothing that can be found on what happened to her parents.  

She’s not sure why she's surprised. Cora already knew that finding anything new would be highly unlikely, but that small romantic part of her still hoped that there might have been something, that she would finally have answers, and she could head off to Andromeda with everything she left behind tied up in a neat little bow, easy to compartmentalise and deal with. But here she is, alone in some dive bar near Initiative HQ nursing a glass of cheap whisky, looking around the dimly lit room to see if anyone catches her eye, hoping that she might be able to distract herself with physical release, but nothing here - including the sorts she would normally go for - catches her eye. Maybe it's for the best? Sex with strangers isn’t exactly the healthiest of coping mechanisms and she’s not even entirely sure she would enjoy it in her current frame of mind anyway. 

But maybe it would be nice to have someone she could talk to - a friend? Cora would be lying if she said she didn’t have moments where she was just  _ tired _ . Tired of always feeling like she was having to prove herself - which she struggled with during her time with Taelin’s Daughters. No matter how good she got with her biotics she always felt like it wasn’t quite good enough. She was tired of always worrying that people finding out about her biotic abilities would change their opinion of her - that she would somehow switch to being some kind of killing machine once people knew - part of her wanted to tell Sara, she would find out anyway when they worked in the field together and Cora felt like they were becoming friends, and friends told each other things about themselves right? But Cora also suspected that Sara was keeping secrets about herself so she wasn’t entirely sure if she  _ wanted  _ to open up to her if she had problems of her own that she was dealing with. 

Cora got the strong impression from the twins that there was some kind of rift between them and their father, and watching how they interacted as a family the rare times the three were seen together it was obvious that there was some kind of underlying tension between them that had yet to come to a head. Though now, all the times that Alec had spoken about his children with a sadness she didn’t quite understand made a lot more sense. Having children that resented you must sting, and Cora isn’t sure she’d ever be able to deal with it as well as Alec currently is. 

Though Cora thinks to herself as she drains the last of her drink cringing at the burn, the thing that she’s most tired of is being alone, and feeling like she always has to  keep to herself with not just her problems, but her hopes for the future, and knowing that this isn’t the drink talking, wishes more than anything that she had someone she could confide in that wasn’t a shrink or her direct superior. Sending over money to pay for her drinks Cora makes her way back to  HQ, hoping that maybe a few clicks on the treadmill can help clear her head and make it easier for her to sleep that night, knowing that for the time being that she’s just going to have to wait for the hollow feeling in her chest to disappear on it's own. 

 

She isn’t far from the entrance to HQ when she runs into Sara - almost literally - who looks like she's in a hurry to be anywhere other than where she currently is.

“Woah, hey, Sara are you alright?” Cora asks, genuinely worried about her wellbeing, having never seen the woman in front of her look as out of sorts as she currently does.

“I’m fi- I just need to clear my head, do you - do you want to walk with me? You don’t look too good yourself,” Sara asks tucking an errant lock of her silvery hair behind her ear, giving Cora an appraising look, her gaze lingering on her face.

“That obvious huh? I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?” Cora asks, surprising herself in her apparent bout of openness. 

“I make no promises,” Sara replies, standing up on her tiptoes and digging her hands into the pockets of her coat as far as she can. “Though I am an excellent listener, just ask Scott.”

“I would if I could get a word in edgeways,” Cora laughs, thinking of all the times she’s had conversations with Scott. She was experienced enough to know when someone was flirting with her, and flattered by the attention but not really interested in anything more, Cora indulged him on occasion, and it was fun for her to watch him fumble for his words when she caught him off guard. 

The night was pleasant, and Cora only momentarily regretted that she didn’t have the forethought to grab a coat before she left, but she could cope, her biotics kept her warm to an extent and the street they were on was almost empty. She never really spent much time on Earth, but she could see the appeal. I was fascinating to know that this little pocket of the galaxy was home to human civilisation, and despite the crowded population of most of the places that she’s been she could appreciate the beauty of the planet.

“So, whats got you looking like you want to flee to the next galaxy?” Cora asks, breaking the silence that had fallen between them as they made their way down the street.

“Oh you know the usual I guess ‘Am I making the right choice?’ ‘why does Dad have to be such an ass sometimes?’ you know, that kind of thing”

“Can’t say I really do” Cora replies drily.

Sara sighs, reaching up and twisting the end of her ponytail that is sitting over her shoulder - something that Cora has noticed is a bit of a nervous habit for the other woman - before continuing.

“I know I sound like a brat but he was never really around much when Scott and I were kids, and then with everything that went down with his work it just made it hard for the two of us, with that hanging over the family name you know? Scott wanted way more than to be posted on some backwater relay as a glorified security guard and I’m just lucky I knew the right people to get something out in the field. Everything is just weird with him being back in our lives on a more permanent basis”

“I understand that I guess” and Cora did. She experienced it her entire career with the Alliance, the stigma that came along with being a biotic and what it meant for any future career prospects, no matter how exemplary a soldier she was.  “Do you want to talk about whatever happened tonight?”

Sara looks nervous like she is weighing her words trying to figure out exactly what to say but coming up short. “It's… complicated,” she sighs “Just something that has kind of always been a sticking point that came to head, again. What about you? Do you want to talk about anything?” Sara asks, and Cora lets the change of subject slide, knowing that Sara barely knows her beyond her father's second and that in her position she probably wouldn’t want to confide in her either.

“Just bad news I was expecting but was hoping not to get anyway,” Cora replies.

“Sounds rough.” 

Cora isn’t sure why but she feels the need to elaborate. “Some people - my parents went missing a while ago and I haven’t been able to find anything about what might have happened to them. Thought I might try one last time before we left, but I wasn’t expecting a miracle.”

“Shit, I’m sorry Cora, here I am complaining about my dad but at least I still have him in my life.” Sara stops in her tracks and looks at Cora apologetically, and Cora briefly wonders if this is what it feels like to have someone who actively cares for her well being.

“It’s fine Sara, you didn’t know. I just wanted the chance to say goodbye but there isn’t anything left for me in this galaxy and if that's the only baggage I’m leaving behind I think I’m doing alright,” Cora tries to reassure her. “Come on, it's late we should head back.” noticing the time on the omnitool on her arm. Sara and her had spent more time than she realised talking and she found that she was glad for the company and the distraction the smaller woman provided her with.

 

Preparation for their departure is down to their final days and as excited as she feels Cora can’t help but feel a sense of foreboding for what is about to happen. Prepared as she was the idea of being in cryo sleep for 600 years was a daunting one and one of the biggest fears she had about the whole thing was never waking up, not that she would know of course, but it was still a prospect that she found unnerving, and late the night before they were due to depart is something that she finds herself confiding in Sara as they share cups of tea before retiring for the night. Sara had never bothered to find herself a bunk of her own all those months ago when she first arrived and Cora found that she really wasn’t bothered, the presence of another in her quarters made the nights she had trouble sleeping somehow easier, Sara’s breathing and occasional light snoring gave her something to focus on the times she was able to lull herself back to sleep, and even on the nights she couldn’t they were a calming accompaniment to her racing thoughts.

“We’ll be fine,” Sara corners her the next morning on the shuttle to the Hyperion, looking every bit the poster girl for the Initiative in her regulation armour and helmet “Before you know it we’ll be waking up in Andromeda and you’ll be wondering why you were so worried about nothing.”

Sara’s words ring in her ears for the rest of the day, and the Pathfinder team were all being grouped together to be put in stasis at the same time - something about team morale according to the shrinks - the last thing Cora says to anyone is “Sara, I’m holding you to what you said.” before she settles in for the long journey ahead.   

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what the update schedule will be like on this, but I plan for this to have more chapters and to explore how I think a relationship between Cora and Sara would work, and how Cora would deal with being with a woman after never questioning her sexuality for so long, so it should at least be a few more chapters, which are hopefully a lot longer than this one.
> 
> Feedback makes me happy. :)


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